I took the day off from work today to get caught up on so many tasks that have been on my to-do-list for way too long. I've come to the conclusion that there will always be more items to add to the list than those that will be scratched off as completed. Sigh.
So, one of the items on my list lately has been time for myself. I've unexpectedly come to a point in my life where I'm now on my own - almost divorced and a daughter who has her own life. At first I was afraid - the unexpected breakup of my marriage, and to an extent my life - had me walking numbly through my life wondering what I was going to do and even how I was going to be able to make it on my own.
Then something wonderful happened. I survived. I survived first one day and then another, then a week, then a month. I've come to appreciate having time now to explore my life and work on those aspects of my life that I want to enhance or improve. As I said to a friend today, the only person I'm responsible for now is myself and when I do something it's because I want to do it and not because I'm trying to make someone else happy, something which is usually an uphill climb, especially when that other person is comfortable being unhappy.
Another item on my to-do-list is to figure out which writing project I want to embrace next. My first romantic suspense novel was rejected and I've put it aside for now to give me some distance and time to rethink my approach to this novel. I've written a few shorter pieces but not sure if they're ready for submission right now or not. I've outlined another novel and am actually quite excited about one in particular. So, lots of possibilities, and that's what's so exciting right now for me. Lots of possibilities.
Faced with traumas in life such as divorce, death, loss - especially when they are unexpected - usually results in most of us shutting down, giving up, becoming depressed. Well, I was depressed but now I'm embracing all the possibilities that have now come my way - possibilities that I don't believe would have been as available to me had certain changes in my life not taken place.
Life can be hard, scary, even ugly, but it can also be beautiful and right now - despite lots of shared turmoil due to the world's economy, job losses and overall uncertainty - I'm seeing and experiencing the beauty of life. It's what I'm choosing to do. I could lose everything tomorrow, but today I'm feeling pretty good about my life.
I'm glad I took the day off to enjoy it, even if my to-do-list has grown.