I know it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged but there’s a good reason. I’m in transition. It almost sounds painful and at times it has been.
I’m going through a separation from my husband and beginning the divorce process. Lots of that going around lately.
Lest you think I’m bitter - I’m not. Oh, I went through the required anger, bitterness, sadness, depression at first but then an amazing thing happened - I started to enjoy getting to know myself.
It was quite a journey being married to Todd and I can honestly say now that I don’t regret getting married. I learned a lot from Todd and from being married to him. Oh, there are things I wish I’d done differently, things I wish we’d both done differently, but now that my marriage journey with him is ending, I’m on a new journey. A journey to find out just who I am.
Lately my journey to the center of myself has been rather fun. I thought it would be scary but it’s actually fun and I’m surprising myself at almost every juncture and bend in the road. I’m discovering just how many people really care about me and I’m discovering just how much I care for them. I’m also discovering just how resilient I am. Given the childhood I came from - I'm extremely proud of myself. I'm no longer just surviving, I'm thriving.
I haven’t felt sorry for myself at all. I still love Todd - I suspect I always will - we just have different journeys to take now and the roads we’ve each chosen don’t mesh, overlap, or really connect that much anymore, and I've discovered that this is okay. Not so long ago I don't think I could have honestly said this because I lacked the sense of self, the sense of contentment to do so before now.
I feel very blessed - I have great neighbors, friends, an interesting and challenging job, a daughter who is almost finished with college, and a stubborn 15-year-old West Highland Terrier. Talk about resilience! I'm not living out of my car and I'm not in Iraq being shot at - since I'm a veteran I appreciate this more than most.
I'm reminded of the quote "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Although I don't feel as if I've lost. I've had a chance to learn some things about myself and grow from that knowledge. Life is exciting and I'm enjoying the process. I finally understand the sentiment - Life is Good!