Monday, May 19, 2008

Know Thyself

If you read my stuff, you know that I like to do different kinds of blogs - the 'rant' blog (one of my favorites) ... the 'informational' blog (where I actually prove there's a brain here) ... the 'just amusing myself' blog (no, not that way!)

So here's a new one ... the 'know thyself' blog ... one I don't use all that often, mostly because I'm a guy, and as you know, we guys aren't too self aware (shaddup, we know when our underwear is on fire ... most of the time).

Anyway, like most guys, I tend to identify myself with certain characteristics, and to my absolute shock, these characteristics have been crumbling faster than a sand castle at high tide.

For example: my hairline. Back when I was a critter, I was very happy with my hair. Blond curly hair that turned dern near white in the summer. So how tragic was that day where after being on the beach for a day, I took a shower and something stung on the top of my head.

You know the place. Towards the back of the head, out of sight, out of mind ... if you're a guy. That is, until the horrible day that you first learn that you have a new place that you need to slather suntan lotion on.

That was the first shock. But as the mind numbs (thanks to ESPN and golf), I got over the whole thinning hair thing, as long as I stay far away from multiple mirrors .

So now there was another self awareness that had to be discovered. That of my height.

I played a lot of volleyball, and always thought of myself as being above average height. I even dated a 6'4" girl briefly in college. And if someone asked me how tall I was, I'd hold out a finger and thumb and say, "this much over six feet."

Well, don't say this kind of thing too many times in front of the wife, that's all I can say. Because one day, my wife heard it for the nth time too many, and she grabbed me by the ... none of your business ... and dragged me to the 'measuring door.'

You know the measuring door, don't you? That one door that looks like a hyped up ruler smacked into it in a steroid frenzy. All kinds of measurements, showing how much the kids have grown over the years.

So my wife figured it was time to add my height to the rapidly escalating ones of my critters ... who have since topped out and are growing in 'other' ways mostly.

But I had no fear ... for I knew the measure of the tape.

So with a smug feeling of 'you'll see,' I confidently backed up to the 'measuring wall' and felt the ruler on my hairless head. She scribbled the mark and I stood back, a smirk on my face. She measured ... and you probably can guess the rest.


Yep, now I'm 'this much' under six feet.

And there's another self awareness thing getting batted around my house. One day, my youngest critter stared into my eyes and said, 'they're blue.'


(yeah, one of my sharper days).

"Your eyes. They're blue."

"No way! They're green."



Well, it went on like this until she finally snorted and stalked off to her bedroom.

You know what that means? Yeah, I won.

They're green.

The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness (voted winner Preditors and Editors Readers Poll)
The Heat of the Moment

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