Monday, January 21, 2008


You ever watched a vacuum before?


You're picturing dirt getting sucked up into an Eureka, aren't ya? The death of dust bunnies.

But I'm not talking about your Hoover. I'm talking about the vacuum cleaner of the brain ... yep, the TV.

So not seriously after all.

Anyway, it's Monday evening, so it's ....(drum roll) ... time for Brainless Monday!


Why Brainless Monday, you ask? Because it's my day. So no matter what, I have this certain privilege that I get to do every Monday. And that's blog. I'm the Monday blogger on the wonderful Acme Authors blog.

Woo-hoo, again!

But sometimes you don't feel, well, creative. Or you feel distracted, and you need something that will let you focus. Well, maybe not you, but me. Anyway, that's where the boob-tube comes in. It has certain properties that affects the brain in a seductively wonderful way.

So I turn on something absolutely awful. Something so mind numbingly ridiculous and aardvark frightening that my brain will quail in mortal fear and try and bury itself in the laptop my heat seeking cat is maneuvering to find a way to lay on.

And if I turn the television to a channel with absolutely worthless programming, it should enable me to spend time writing. Right? My mind should repel the drivel on the screen and find itself engrossed into my laptop instead.

You can guess what really happens, can't you? Yep, I get sucked into the shows!!

(big sucking sound that really can't be duplicated by written word)

It doesn't matter where I go, there's reality show everywhere. If not reality, I turn to C-Span. Yep, I start watching. British Court TV? Fascinating. Cooking shows? I'm taking notes. Cartoons? Loves myself some Sponge Bob. ESPN? I'm an addict. Infomercials? I learn so much.

So here I am, somewhat typing, at least during commercials, while watching Little People, Big World.

So what is it with all of these shows? They are all definitely a step - or an elevator - above Jerry Springer, but if you're sitting in a room somewhere, and the Jerry Springer Show is on, your eyes will invariably wander towards the TV.

Why? Because the TV is the biggest vacuum cleaner in the world!

If the TV could clear your room of the dirt the same way it clears your mind of thought, Hoover would go out of business in a week.

In other words, it doesn't work. Turning on the television is the most absolute way to suck every creative thought out of your brain. Who needs a lobotomy when you have a TV on near you.

And I'm done with it. You hear? No More!!!

I'm quitting!

All done ... forever

... um ...

... right after Celebrity Rehab is over.

The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
The Heat of the Moment

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