Monday, November 26, 2007

The Boob Tube

Hah, if you were expecting pictures of something, or, uh, two somethings, sorry to disappoint you.

Instead, it's time for a rant blog!


We all love rant blogs, don't we?

Today's rant ... television.

(clap, clap, clap)

Over the last week, I've been really noticing them in weird places. In line at the grocery store, while pumping gas, in the back seat of a mini-van. Not to mention (okay fine,... I'm mentioning) airplanes, banks, malls and you can even bring them camping. You, not me, I hate ticks.

Televisions, wherever you are, they are. Where don't they have them? Wait, don't answer that, because you might give them ... Sony, Panasonic, Sharp, GE ... more ideas. HD, flat screen, plasma, LCD, digital, micro, macro, mini, mousy...

Heck, go to a live sporting event. If you miss the touchdown cuz you're scoping out the cheerleaders, never fear, there's a Jumbo Tron with all of the highlights. Gotta tinkle? No problem, you won't miss a minute. There are a bank of TV's all of the way down the hall, next to the bathroom and, dare I say, in the restroom itself. Believe me, unless you go in the stall you won't miss a thing.

And never fear... even if you missed the action, your TIVO will pick it all up and you can see everything after you get home.

Frankly, I think I'm overdosing on TV's. Okay, okay, maybe the five in my house add to the IV, er, TV infusion. Never mind the three Tivos, plethera of DVD-players, DVD- recorder, and let's not get into all of the computers with YouTurn, er, YouTube capabilities.

Is it any wonder that people would rather watch TV than read a book? Heck, you can read books on your computer... some books get made into movies. In fact, are you too busy to read? Then get a book on tape.

I was watching the forth, er, fourth Bruce Willis Die Hard DVD last night with my wife, and part of the plot involved a plot to wipe out the country's electricity.

And it occurred to me. If that happened, it would wipe out my TV's. Think about it, no more reality show, no ESPN, no reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond...sob... I mean, sure, I could run the generator for awhile, so I could still play my DVD collection, but sooner or later I'd run out of gas. And if there were ... was ... whatever... no electricity, they couldn't run the gasoline pumps.

So it wouldn't be long before there would no longer be television... nothing... no shows...


Why, whatever would we do without the boob-tube? No distractions, getting to spend more time with the family learning what they think rather than simply watching something next to them ... why we'd just ...

(um, wait a second... I'm watching the Santa Clause III... hang on...need to see what Jack Frost does next ...)

Okay, I'm back, sorry about that.

Anyway ...

Can you imagine a world without television?

Hmm ...

What's this I'm sitting on? The remote. And look, it actually has an 'off' button.

Hmm, again ... wonder what would happen if I pushed it?


And what's this? A book? With pages?


The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness

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