Showing posts with label norman cowie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label norman cowie. Show all posts
Monday, August 27, 2007
Guyquest
I recently sent my books to a few of the Amazon Top 100 Reviewers. Amanda Richards composed a really funny review of The Adventures of Guy.
Guyquest
A funny book about a guy
And Guy's also his name
Your standard goof-off slacker-dude
Without a claim to fame
And then one day a phone call came
That sent him on a quest
He's forced to leave his dirty home
(More like his filthy nest)
There's something wrong with little Seth
At least he's not himself
In no time flat, Guy's pals become
A sor-cer-er and elf
It seems your quest is not complete
Without a certain mix
So they recruit a warrior
Stacked like a house of bricks
There's something evil chasing them
And monsters everywhere
Look out for buzzing little flies
And plumber's derriere
The truth of telemarketing
The huge attorney plot
All made as simple as the choice
To supersize, or not?
It's just as crazy as it sounds
With potty jokes and worse
A madcap world of fantasy
Reviewed by me in verse
A warning to you, friends of mine
And you, my dear consumer
Don't bother picking up this one
If you've no sense of humor
Amanda Richards, August 25, 2007
(reprinted with permission)
Norm Cowie
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Scared Silly
I read the scariest thing ever, with apologies to Stephen King, Dean Koontz and our own Master of Macabre Rob Walker. It isn't a book, but more of a pamphlet, a journal, a magazine as it were. Like a werewolf , it comes out once a month to turn my blood cold.
It is ... (shudder) ... something to scare a man out of his back hair.
I can barely tell you.
Its pages are so scary... so frightening ... terrifying ... and ... um ..., other words that describe fear. Fear that causes your muscles to petrify as chemicals of unhappiness surge through your body, springing up goose bumps along the way.
I must speak the name of this periodical, though my mouth refuses to utter its simple name... so I will type it instead with shaky fingers.
It is ... (eek) ... READER'S DIGEST.
Yes, you heard me.
Reader's Digest.
You scoff. I can tell ... only because I have incredible powers of perceptiveness (my wife snorts in disbelief). You mock my gentle wisdom ... the warning that I spread to save those who read this magazine for its insight, humor and stories of human courage.
But have you read the other parts of the magazine?
You know, those parts that come with an eight point font disclaimer that takes up a whole page or three ... that no one ever reads because it's an eight point font disclaimer that takes up a whole page or three.
The stuff having to do with ... health?
Yep, Reader's Digest is chock full of stuff dealing with what they laughingly call health. For with hypochondriacs like me, that's not a good thing. For you see, I am susceptible to the power of suggestion. If there's a mosquito in the room, I feel itchy. If someone yawns, I yawn. And if someone gets skin cancer, I start watching my moles with squinty-eyed suspicion.
I've learned all kinds of scary things about health by reading Reader's Digest. For instance, did you know that your bowels have a temper? I didn't. Why if you eat the wrong things, it might get irritable and go Postal on you. And I learned by reading RD's learned pages, that even though I might feel wonderful, cholesterol might ... even as I type ... be packing my arteries with stuff that will make them explode.
Do you know the signs of a heart attack? Me neither, until I read RD. Thanks to their friendly words, I know that the signs of a heart attack are chest or upper body discomfort, shortness of breath, cold sweat, nausea and lightheadedness. After reading this, I broke out into a cold sweat, clutched my hands to my chest which seized up so that I couldn't get a breath and almost passed out.
I also learned that back and joint pain might mean that I have prostate cancer, a rash might be Lyme disease, and that my severe headache was not from having teenaged girls, but more likely from an aneurysm. And my blurred vision isn't me getting old - it's macular degeneration that can be reversed by the wonderful drug Avastin, which will also treat my colon cancer. Lucky me.
So call me a hypochondriac, but I'm going to stop reading the medical stuff. I think I'll skip right to "Humor in Uniform."
(whistles tunelessly and reads).
Aargh!
I hurt my funny bone!
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
It is ... (shudder) ... something to scare a man out of his back hair.
I can barely tell you.
Its pages are so scary... so frightening ... terrifying ... and ... um ..., other words that describe fear. Fear that causes your muscles to petrify as chemicals of unhappiness surge through your body, springing up goose bumps along the way.
I must speak the name of this periodical, though my mouth refuses to utter its simple name... so I will type it instead with shaky fingers.
It is ... (eek) ... READER'S DIGEST.
Yes, you heard me.
Reader's Digest.
You scoff. I can tell ... only because I have incredible powers of perceptiveness (my wife snorts in disbelief). You mock my gentle wisdom ... the warning that I spread to save those who read this magazine for its insight, humor and stories of human courage.
But have you read the other parts of the magazine?
You know, those parts that come with an eight point font disclaimer that takes up a whole page or three ... that no one ever reads because it's an eight point font disclaimer that takes up a whole page or three.
The stuff having to do with ... health?
Yep, Reader's Digest is chock full of stuff dealing with what they laughingly call health. For with hypochondriacs like me, that's not a good thing. For you see, I am susceptible to the power of suggestion. If there's a mosquito in the room, I feel itchy. If someone yawns, I yawn. And if someone gets skin cancer, I start watching my moles with squinty-eyed suspicion.
I've learned all kinds of scary things about health by reading Reader's Digest. For instance, did you know that your bowels have a temper? I didn't. Why if you eat the wrong things, it might get irritable and go Postal on you. And I learned by reading RD's learned pages, that even though I might feel wonderful, cholesterol might ... even as I type ... be packing my arteries with stuff that will make them explode.
Do you know the signs of a heart attack? Me neither, until I read RD. Thanks to their friendly words, I know that the signs of a heart attack are chest or upper body discomfort, shortness of breath, cold sweat, nausea and lightheadedness. After reading this, I broke out into a cold sweat, clutched my hands to my chest which seized up so that I couldn't get a breath and almost passed out.
I also learned that back and joint pain might mean that I have prostate cancer, a rash might be Lyme disease, and that my severe headache was not from having teenaged girls, but more likely from an aneurysm. And my blurred vision isn't me getting old - it's macular degeneration that can be reversed by the wonderful drug Avastin, which will also treat my colon cancer. Lucky me.
So call me a hypochondriac, but I'm going to stop reading the medical stuff. I think I'll skip right to "Humor in Uniform."
(whistles tunelessly and reads).
Aargh!
I hurt my funny bone!
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
Monday, August 6, 2007
Chiming in
I just have to add my two cents (about five dollars with inflation) to Larry's very interesting blog with a short story of my own.
A lot of my small humor bits have gone into a free e-magazine called Cynic Magazine. I've never tried to get my short stuff published for money, but simply wanted an outlet for my overflowing sense of humor. Being a classy mag, Cynic has published everything I've given them, including articles in their "Best of 2005" and "Best of 2006" issues.
Like Larry, I always sort of wondered if something might come of the exposure, but otherwise, there's no downside, because other than publishing them, archiving them and reprinting for the "Best Of" issues, copyright reverts back to me.
But something did come of this, just recently in fact.
When my second book came out last month, I emailed the news to everyone in my address book. To my surprise, a few days later I received an email from Cynic saying that they would like to do something that they normally don't do. Since I've been such a faithful contributor, they were going to put an ad on their next issue for my new book... for free! And not only that, but in a future issue they would do a review, even further increasing the exposure.
Free publicity!
So check it out at www.cynicmag.com
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
A lot of my small humor bits have gone into a free e-magazine called Cynic Magazine. I've never tried to get my short stuff published for money, but simply wanted an outlet for my overflowing sense of humor. Being a classy mag, Cynic has published everything I've given them, including articles in their "Best of 2005" and "Best of 2006" issues.
Like Larry, I always sort of wondered if something might come of the exposure, but otherwise, there's no downside, because other than publishing them, archiving them and reprinting for the "Best Of" issues, copyright reverts back to me.
But something did come of this, just recently in fact.
When my second book came out last month, I emailed the news to everyone in my address book. To my surprise, a few days later I received an email from Cynic saying that they would like to do something that they normally don't do. Since I've been such a faithful contributor, they were going to put an ad on their next issue for my new book... for free! And not only that, but in a future issue they would do a review, even further increasing the exposure.
Free publicity!
So check it out at www.cynicmag.com
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
Monday, July 9, 2007
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
(pop)
Howdy, I just popped in with some exciting news. I'm a published author now!
Woo-hoo!
Wait ...
...um...
I forgot. I was already a published author.
So now I'm a published ... er, ... another published, um ...
Okay, enough of that. There's an easier way to say it. My second book is out!!!
Woo-hoo!
Yippee!
My new book, The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness, is the sequel to its awesomely-reviewed prequel, The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably).
Fun stuff! Comes with the Dr. Pepper Warning (as in don't drink a carbonated beverage when reading).
You can read excerpts of both books on my website www.normcowie.com.
I'm feeling good.
Gotta go!
(pop)
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
Howdy, I just popped in with some exciting news. I'm a published author now!
Woo-hoo!
Wait ...
...um...
I forgot. I was already a published author.
So now I'm a published ... er, ... another published, um ...
Okay, enough of that. There's an easier way to say it. My second book is out!!!
Woo-hoo!
Yippee!
My new book, The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness, is the sequel to its awesomely-reviewed prequel, The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably).
Fun stuff! Comes with the Dr. Pepper Warning (as in don't drink a carbonated beverage when reading).
You can read excerpts of both books on my website www.normcowie.com.
I'm feeling good.
Gotta go!
(pop)
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness
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