The ADDiction of the ELection, Oh My! by Robert W. Walker

When did you first discover the George Foreman Grill? I bet it was on a TV ad. We are bombarded with ads and political pundits and election results and we get so much information from PSMs to Dancing with the Stars through the big and the small screens; as if TV was not enough of a monster gobbling up our time and our brains in many instances, now we have screens on our hips, on our wrists, on our phones, on the inside of our eyelids. OK that last was a horrid exaggeration but who knows, maybe the next gadget will be a screen we can slide onto the inner eyelid. Sound like science fiction? So much we are surrounded with now were once Star Trek gizmos.

I must admit for the final run to the White House, the contest between McCain and Obama, I was absolutely addicted. I'd get home from the job and immediately flip through the various channels to see who said what to whom, who did what to whom, who went over the edge, who insulted whom, ahhh the humanity and the soap opera of it all. I was deeply in, watching every hour I could: the left, the right, the middle of the road, as each seemed to have its own network. I couldn't get enough and now that the race is over, there's a hole left in my psyche. I can't
feed the addiction.

Strangely, I am turning back to my favorite TV dramas and comedies to help me soothe and smooth over the wounds of my now unfed addiction, my delirium tremens, my coming down. I am rushing back to House, my favorite show, House kinda reminds me of me if I could only get away with it, he,he,he! Maybe when I reach 70? At 70 Mark Twain tells us a man
has a right to be objectionable.

I rush back to Grey's Anatomy for some mindless fun and relaxation, realizing that so much of Keith Oberman's Countdown had me white-knuckled for an hour! Then the new Rachel Madow show pretty much extended the Countdown to TWO hours! More white-knuckled response from me. Watching the dirt and mud-slinging and nastiness between the two camps was ulcer inducing but addictive at the same time. I was out of control and I knew it. Night sweats and I
would flip over to the Daily Show and Colbert to relax the colon and the knuckles and just laugh out loud at the whole of it.

And I rush to Law and Order, The Fringe, The Eleventh Hour, TrueBlood where the blood and guts of fictional shows seemed tame by comparison to the NEWS and the pundits and yes the RADIO so-called experts (which I would flip to to see what kind of nutsy-ness was coming from that quarter.

But it's over, right? I can relax with my FUN shows now, right?
NO. Now there are factions the laying at the feet of Sarah Palin the entire cause/effect
of why the Republicans lost so dismally, not only the presidential election but so many
seats in the House and the Senate. They're throwing Sarah under the bus!

My God, now I have to turn on Count Down with Oberman, Madow, Daly, Colbert, and flip channels to see if O'Reiley is backing Sarah or changing his tune, as if my life depends upon it! To see what Hanity is saying about the in-fighting over the woman he pretty much swooned over when interviewing Palin.

I gotta get hold of myself; gotta find a Betty Ford type clinic for political airing addiction. I am sure I can't be the only one suffering from this horrid condition.

Can anyone help me? Who am I gonna call? I've given up writing time for this addiction, reading time, research time, time from my clients in my editing service, time to spend with the family watching Family Guy or The Simpsons, and for what?

I was once clean and sober before caught up in the rabidness of this political crapola. I was so carefree before, so normal. Not anymore. This life-long learner has fallen down on the job. The only good thing that has come of it all? I got out to vote and I voted with passion!

How about you?

The great hope for the future is that President Elect Obama has a name that the rest of the world is comfy with, as in China where there is a town named Obama, and in Obi-land, that is Nigeria, and I suspect the Middle East.

In brief, Obama represents something huge on the world stage as the face of a new America on a new day on a new page, and I believe the rest of the world, along with many millions of Americans of every size and stripe, age and color, religious and non-religious. Imagine how every little white girl in America would feel if our new president was President Hillary Clinton today? Now imagine how every little black and white girl in America, along with every little black and white and yellow and brown kid in America is feeling today.

Barney, the White House dog bit a reporter today, no doubt upset with the election results,
and I have run into some humans angry enough to bite as a result of the election, but I believe with all my heart that what happened here is no less important than the day America
beat the British in 1776 for freedom and equality. Perhaps now there is actual freedom and equality on these shores for all Americans.

Finally. And just maybe we can get back to paying homage to the US Constitution or at least READING it and trying desperately to live by its precepts. We're talking a new American day, a new American History, a real turn in the direction my son years ago promised me one day would come.

Thank God for our children and their naive and beautiful thoughts, eh?

Happy Writing all,
Rob Walker
http://www.robertwalkerbooks.com/ - new site, new giveaways!
See DEAD ON cover art, and get your early peek at this Spring release

Politics and birds and stuff

Someday I’m going to get serious, and try to understand politics. I feel if I put a concerted effort into this study, I will understand the difference between a liberal Republican, and a conservative Democrat.

I also think there should be more avian ways to describe people’s martial tendencies. You have your hawks who want to go to war right now. You have your doves who want peace at all costs. Okay, I get those two. But what bird would represent someone who wants to fight as a last option? Or someone who wants a preemptive limited precision strike with immediate mediation? Or someone who wants peace, but only if they get their way? Or how about someone who simply wants to argue all the time?

I think the seagull is the perfect symbol for this last person. Have you ever seen seagulls fighting amongst themselves? I was eating lunch at a Park District once, where a lot of gulls hang out waiting for some handouts. I noticed one gull defending a five foot radius next to my window. If I were to throw out a piece of my lunch, it was his. And if any other gull came near, this gull would squawk and chase it away.

Which brings me to the subject of bad drivers. I know, it’s not really logical to jump from writing about seagulls to bad drivers, because we all know seagulls can’t golf very well. Anyway, I wasn’t talking about drivers as in golf - I was referring to driving cars. Seagulls are notoriously bad drivers, so they usually fly. Politicians are bad drivers too, which is why they are given immunities.

If not for these immunities, our government would be voting on new jails even as they were serving time in these same jails for various traffic infractions. Of course, they would choose to serve time rather than paying fines, because the only money they know how to spend is yours and mine.

Enough of that … back to the subject of bad drivers. I was watching the comedian Gallagher once, and he did a little bit on bad drivers. He said the best way to avoid bad drivers would be if all people were given big dart guns. Then, if you saw someone being an idiot, you simply shoot a dart at the car. So any time you see a car careening towards you with darts sticking out all over, you run for cover! And any with too many automatically would get pulled over and ticketed by the police.

That’s not enough for me. I want personal message boards on the front and back of my car, with a keyboard in the car, where I could type little messages and love notes for drivers around you.

Then I figured not. I’d probably get into an accident as I’m looking to find the ‘F’ key while driving, so maybe Gallagher’s idea is better.

What was I going to type with the ‘F’ key? It’s not what you think. I was going to type, “What a Fine Day!”

You believe me, don’t you?

Norm

www.normcowie.com

The Adventures of Guy … written by a guy (probably)

The Next Adventures of Guy … more wackiness

Fang Face (young adult humor/vampire, coming Aug. 09)