Hey All,
This is going to be short and sweet today, as I'm zipping off to catch a train and head downtown with my girlfriend. We're off to see "Grease".
The new year has started off on a great note. THIS TIME FOR ALWAYS is up for 2008 Top Read at WRDF! If you haven't had the chance to vote, please make sure you do. Right now I'm in third place.
I've been busy working on additions to WILD WEDDING WEEKEND in order to bring it up to the proper word count. The going has been slow up until now, but I think I'm in the groove now.
Gotta run! That train won't wait.
Until next week,
Happy Reading!
Debra
www.debrastjohnromance.com
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Roman Baths Museum by Margot Justes
Many years ago, I was in London and took one of those standard day tours to Stonehenge and Bath. I expected to be delighted and see a few things I haven’t yet seen and I expected to learn something new–one of the many reasons I love to travel.
On this trip, the bus rolled along the lovely serene English countryside and the first glimpse of the enormous stones was surreal. They are magnificent, and back then you could actually go up close and personal as the saying goes. We reached Bath and had a measly few hours in a town where the Roman Baths Museum alone would have kept me busy for many hours. I swore someday I would come back.
My first book is set in Paris, because having lived there I have a great affinity for the city and always will. With the realization that I was going to write book two, Bath was the instant choice. That meant a return visit, this time a few days, not a few hours.
The second time, we took the train from Paddington station in London and two lovely hours later we were in Bath, this time for a few days rather than a few hours.
There are legends that say Bath was founded by a Celtic Prince in 863 BC, he suffered from leprosy and the healing waters cured him. Can you imagine the history?
As far as the Romans were concerned, cleanliness was next to godliness-hence the popularity of the baths. In 65 AD the invading Romans built a grand spa. Formidable Roman engineering skills allowed them to build a reservoir using lead-lined stone around the spring, thus supplying water to the baths. The Sacred Spring (one of my favorite sites in the museum) has an overflow system, which even today 2,000 years later still pumps the surplus water to the Avon River.
I spent quite a bit of time standing in front of the Sacred Spring, the hot moist steam reaching your face is far better than any facial, while the soothing and mesmerizing falling water allows the imagination to take root in your senses.
Buried and built over for many years, the baths were discovered and excavated in 1880. The steeped in history museum is simply truly amazing and gives you a remarkable sense of times past and through the ages to the present.
More Bath next week.
Till next Saturday,
Margot Justes
A Hotel in Paris ISBN 978-1-59080-534-3
Art brought her to Paris, then a stranger’s death changes her life.
Missing ISBN 978-1-59080-611 1- coming February 2009
www.mjustes.com
available on amazon.com
On this trip, the bus rolled along the lovely serene English countryside and the first glimpse of the enormous stones was surreal. They are magnificent, and back then you could actually go up close and personal as the saying goes. We reached Bath and had a measly few hours in a town where the Roman Baths Museum alone would have kept me busy for many hours. I swore someday I would come back.
My first book is set in Paris, because having lived there I have a great affinity for the city and always will. With the realization that I was going to write book two, Bath was the instant choice. That meant a return visit, this time a few days, not a few hours.
The second time, we took the train from Paddington station in London and two lovely hours later we were in Bath, this time for a few days rather than a few hours.
There are legends that say Bath was founded by a Celtic Prince in 863 BC, he suffered from leprosy and the healing waters cured him. Can you imagine the history?
As far as the Romans were concerned, cleanliness was next to godliness-hence the popularity of the baths. In 65 AD the invading Romans built a grand spa. Formidable Roman engineering skills allowed them to build a reservoir using lead-lined stone around the spring, thus supplying water to the baths. The Sacred Spring (one of my favorite sites in the museum) has an overflow system, which even today 2,000 years later still pumps the surplus water to the Avon River.
I spent quite a bit of time standing in front of the Sacred Spring, the hot moist steam reaching your face is far better than any facial, while the soothing and mesmerizing falling water allows the imagination to take root in your senses.
Buried and built over for many years, the baths were discovered and excavated in 1880. The steeped in history museum is simply truly amazing and gives you a remarkable sense of times past and through the ages to the present.
More Bath next week.
Till next Saturday,
Margot Justes
A Hotel in Paris ISBN 978-1-59080-534-3
Art brought her to Paris, then a stranger’s death changes her life.
Missing ISBN 978-1-59080-611 1- coming February 2009
www.mjustes.com
available on amazon.com
Friday, January 9, 2009
A Keen Look at the HEART of Romance Writing: Part I of II by Robert W. Walker
Yes, every good story ought to have a romance of one sort or another embedded in the tale; it may be a romance between an older married couple who have settled into their love like a warm woolen blanket, orit may be the passioate first kiss of newly found love. It may be the romance a child has with a pet, or a romance of obsession with a silly material thing like a car for a teenager. It may be a romance between a boy and a girl, a girl and a girl, a boy and a best friend but the story has to have it. However, writing a romance scene even between your boy meets girl is probably the hardest scene to write. Fight scenes, let me at em. Arguments at the cemetery or at the coming out party, let me at em. Chase scenes, I am there in a flash. Thriller moments, easy and fun. Sex scenes, ugh -- and even tougher than a lustful sex scene is the truly ROMANTIC Love Scene.
Now that, like comedy, is HARD to do....very difficult work, and it may take twenty or more rewrites on that scene -- take after take. But there are some saving grace list items you can take into a love scene to distinguish it and set it apart from a reworded fight scene. Hey there are a lot of similarities between a fight scene and orchestrating a love scene, especially if you want it to rise above a sex scene.
1. Treat it as you would when you want to write your best 'other' scenes. In other words, give it at least as much time as you gave introducing your characters for instance. Go in with the notion it will take successive rewrites to make it sing. If you can't make it sing, then at least make it clear (every concern of punctuation and every element -- as in consistent voice must be in the frame/scene).
2. Bring in all the five senses and work toward the ethereal sixth sense which the plan to lift this lovemaking into a "religious" experience or at least one of an "astral" or of such a sensual nature as to seem so out of body while in body experience that the participants rise above mere lust and mere sex. In short, make it a Chagall painting.
3. In any scene, I try to triangulate at least 3 and I work toward all 5 of the senses. What are the sounds around the lovers? What sounds do they make? What tastes occur? What sights? If there is a storm outside, how is it captured and brought into their bed? If there is a fire in the hearth, how does that fire relate to their touch? What touchy feeling things can I bring to "bear" or "bare"? Thoughts? Metaphors? Images? AS in number 2 above, you can't emphasize the senses too much if you are to turn the moment from the physical to the etheral, the corporeal to the sense the lovers are touched by a pleased universe. Wow....I man....floating figures in a Chagall painting for real.
4. Give your love scene at least as much attention as you would give your chase scene or fight scene, and engage all the senses, and also use all the props in and around the lovers to become metaphorical implements used to heighten the moment (fireplace flames, storm, annoying knat? -- Okay toss the knat. Be careful of the use of words that bring the lovers back to a sense or connotation that this is lust and not lover (save the LUST scenes for the villians who truly don't know how to love, see? Lust goes with the bad guys in the black hats and the vixens who kill for hire and kick dogs). Words used in a lust scene you want to avoid in a love scene are: rammed, dunked, perspiration, sweat, and perhaps the corded muscles of his chest along with his manhood. Retire these lustful accolades for "eased" "sank" and "melded" or even better "coelesced". Consult the Romance Writers Phrase Book (yes, there is one).
5. For the various body parts (corded muscles of his chest, eyes, ears, noses, etc.) do consult the Romance Writers Phrase Book. His physical descript and hers can be culled from such a book, but you also learn what has been done to death and so to avoid like the plague. Such reminders make you work harder to take a cliche and twist it in a new and fresh direction, to make it work for you.
6. Finally,even better throw out any word you have ever seen ten thousand times in romance novels and create a unique vision--your vision of what makes great love. When we write horror, we work with what scares us; when we write historicals, we write what interst us; when we write chillers and thrillers, we write what chills and thrills us; when we write a mystery, we don't want to repeat a plot that is a bread trail of clues that has been done many times over by others, no! We want a unique plot and storyline and charcters, and so it is with a love scene. While it should be familiar (not kinky!), it should also be unique, and unique mans fresh and imaginative. The hardest thing to do on the planet for film makers and writers to do--create something new out of the oldest story on the planet -- boy meets girl. So there is nothing quck and easy about making love come alive on the page. It is very hard, very tough, very difficult work and involves many rewrites and a lot of thought--and then to put that thought into practice and hope the scene is not a jumble of nonsense but a perfectly orchestrated thing of beaty--a Chagall. Or you may want to go for a Renoir. Or a Van Gogh. And thank God for brothers and sisters. Vincent had Theo, and I have my sister Sybil and my wife Miranda, and many feminie friends who are willing to read my romance scnes and tear them apart for me before they make it to print.
Finally, next week in Part TWO of Rob Goes Romance, a peek at a love scene set in 1692 from my work in progress, an historical romance mystery-hystory entitled Bloodroot. In Bloodroot, I have not one but TWO great love stories entertwined -- that of the young Jeremy Wakely and Serena Nurse and that of Serena's parents, Rebecca and Francis Nurse, and I defy anyone to say which of the two loves--young vs old is more poignant and lovely. In point of fact, I can't recall a single novel of mine that has not had a romance thread running through it--especially true of my Edge Series and my upcoming DEAD ON which you can get in eARC form at my website at the stroke of a key.
Rob Walker
www.robertwalkerbooks.com.
Now that, like comedy, is HARD to do....very difficult work, and it may take twenty or more rewrites on that scene -- take after take. But there are some saving grace list items you can take into a love scene to distinguish it and set it apart from a reworded fight scene. Hey there are a lot of similarities between a fight scene and orchestrating a love scene, especially if you want it to rise above a sex scene.
1. Treat it as you would when you want to write your best 'other' scenes. In other words, give it at least as much time as you gave introducing your characters for instance. Go in with the notion it will take successive rewrites to make it sing. If you can't make it sing, then at least make it clear (every concern of punctuation and every element -- as in consistent voice must be in the frame/scene).
2. Bring in all the five senses and work toward the ethereal sixth sense which the plan to lift this lovemaking into a "religious" experience or at least one of an "astral" or of such a sensual nature as to seem so out of body while in body experience that the participants rise above mere lust and mere sex. In short, make it a Chagall painting.
3. In any scene, I try to triangulate at least 3 and I work toward all 5 of the senses. What are the sounds around the lovers? What sounds do they make? What tastes occur? What sights? If there is a storm outside, how is it captured and brought into their bed? If there is a fire in the hearth, how does that fire relate to their touch? What touchy feeling things can I bring to "bear" or "bare"? Thoughts? Metaphors? Images? AS in number 2 above, you can't emphasize the senses too much if you are to turn the moment from the physical to the etheral, the corporeal to the sense the lovers are touched by a pleased universe. Wow....I man....floating figures in a Chagall painting for real.
4. Give your love scene at least as much attention as you would give your chase scene or fight scene, and engage all the senses, and also use all the props in and around the lovers to become metaphorical implements used to heighten the moment (fireplace flames, storm, annoying knat? -- Okay toss the knat. Be careful of the use of words that bring the lovers back to a sense or connotation that this is lust and not lover (save the LUST scenes for the villians who truly don't know how to love, see? Lust goes with the bad guys in the black hats and the vixens who kill for hire and kick dogs). Words used in a lust scene you want to avoid in a love scene are: rammed, dunked, perspiration, sweat, and perhaps the corded muscles of his chest along with his manhood. Retire these lustful accolades for "eased" "sank" and "melded" or even better "coelesced". Consult the Romance Writers Phrase Book (yes, there is one).
5. For the various body parts (corded muscles of his chest, eyes, ears, noses, etc.) do consult the Romance Writers Phrase Book. His physical descript and hers can be culled from such a book, but you also learn what has been done to death and so to avoid like the plague. Such reminders make you work harder to take a cliche and twist it in a new and fresh direction, to make it work for you.
6. Finally,even better throw out any word you have ever seen ten thousand times in romance novels and create a unique vision--your vision of what makes great love. When we write horror, we work with what scares us; when we write historicals, we write what interst us; when we write chillers and thrillers, we write what chills and thrills us; when we write a mystery, we don't want to repeat a plot that is a bread trail of clues that has been done many times over by others, no! We want a unique plot and storyline and charcters, and so it is with a love scene. While it should be familiar (not kinky!), it should also be unique, and unique mans fresh and imaginative. The hardest thing to do on the planet for film makers and writers to do--create something new out of the oldest story on the planet -- boy meets girl. So there is nothing quck and easy about making love come alive on the page. It is very hard, very tough, very difficult work and involves many rewrites and a lot of thought--and then to put that thought into practice and hope the scene is not a jumble of nonsense but a perfectly orchestrated thing of beaty--a Chagall. Or you may want to go for a Renoir. Or a Van Gogh. And thank God for brothers and sisters. Vincent had Theo, and I have my sister Sybil and my wife Miranda, and many feminie friends who are willing to read my romance scnes and tear them apart for me before they make it to print.
Finally, next week in Part TWO of Rob Goes Romance, a peek at a love scene set in 1692 from my work in progress, an historical romance mystery-hystory entitled Bloodroot. In Bloodroot, I have not one but TWO great love stories entertwined -- that of the young Jeremy Wakely and Serena Nurse and that of Serena's parents, Rebecca and Francis Nurse, and I defy anyone to say which of the two loves--young vs old is more poignant and lovely. In point of fact, I can't recall a single novel of mine that has not had a romance thread running through it--especially true of my Edge Series and my upcoming DEAD ON which you can get in eARC form at my website at the stroke of a key.
Rob Walker
www.robertwalkerbooks.com.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Traveling this winter? by DL Larson
I'm writing to you from sunny California, Palm Springs, a wonderful place to visit if you like warm weather and spectacular views of mountains.
Our trip from Chicago to LAX was really pretty good! We encountered welcoming staff at the Marriott Hotel the night before our trip, and the next morning we were greeted by friendly workers at Midway; we even had an extremely friendly crew aboard Southwest Airlines. We experienced no long lines, no delays, nor any cranky kids! Even my husband was on good behavior!! :)
After a few days visiting my son and his wife, we'll be heading out to sea. I'll let you know how that travel experience was when I get back to Illinois. But my husband and I are anticipating relaxed times aboard ship along with some fast-paced excursions when we put ashore.
If you are planning a trip this winter, let us know here at Acme Authors about your travel experiences. Are you traveling for research? Traveling for an article you plan to sell? Let us know. Margot Justes mentioned she's planning a trip abroad next summer to do research for her next book. Sounds exciting and a wonderful way to mix work with pleasure. I've done plenty of traveling to research for my historicals. Over the years, our family vacations circled around the places I needed to visit.
Do you have aspirations to mix travel with writing? Share your experiences with us.
Due to my vacation, there will be a guest blogger next Thursday. Who? Check in to find out!!
til next time ~
DL Larson
Our trip from Chicago to LAX was really pretty good! We encountered welcoming staff at the Marriott Hotel the night before our trip, and the next morning we were greeted by friendly workers at Midway; we even had an extremely friendly crew aboard Southwest Airlines. We experienced no long lines, no delays, nor any cranky kids! Even my husband was on good behavior!! :)
After a few days visiting my son and his wife, we'll be heading out to sea. I'll let you know how that travel experience was when I get back to Illinois. But my husband and I are anticipating relaxed times aboard ship along with some fast-paced excursions when we put ashore.
If you are planning a trip this winter, let us know here at Acme Authors about your travel experiences. Are you traveling for research? Traveling for an article you plan to sell? Let us know. Margot Justes mentioned she's planning a trip abroad next summer to do research for her next book. Sounds exciting and a wonderful way to mix work with pleasure. I've done plenty of traveling to research for my historicals. Over the years, our family vacations circled around the places I needed to visit.
Do you have aspirations to mix travel with writing? Share your experiences with us.
Due to my vacation, there will be a guest blogger next Thursday. Who? Check in to find out!!
til next time ~
DL Larson
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Sewing and Patching by Morgan Mandel
I don't like to sew buttons, iron on patches or fix pockets, so I avoid such tasks until they absolutely must get done.
The DH needs a button sewn on a vest to wear to work, so I'll break down and perform that hated chore soon.
I enjoy creating stories. It's fun being a writer, but that doesn't mean everything is rosy.
There are certain tasks I avoid when I can. Although some authors love research, I find it tedious. I leave a blank or a question mark and fill those items in later after I've had time to check the Internet, library, or people with experience to help me.
Sometimes I need to think through a scene that isn't turning out right and I have to stop and go back to it later because it's driving me crazy.
Other times I know I don't have the best words down for what I want to say, but can't think of the right ones.
It may seem like I'm griping, but I'm being realistic. Writing doesn't have to be easy or fun every minute.
A finished manuscript, a publishing contract -- those go a long way to make me forget the tasks I performed to get there.
What about you? What do you like or hate about writing?
The DH needs a button sewn on a vest to wear to work, so I'll break down and perform that hated chore soon.
I enjoy creating stories. It's fun being a writer, but that doesn't mean everything is rosy.
There are certain tasks I avoid when I can. Although some authors love research, I find it tedious. I leave a blank or a question mark and fill those items in later after I've had time to check the Internet, library, or people with experience to help me.
Sometimes I need to think through a scene that isn't turning out right and I have to stop and go back to it later because it's driving me crazy.
Other times I know I don't have the best words down for what I want to say, but can't think of the right ones.
It may seem like I'm griping, but I'm being realistic. Writing doesn't have to be easy or fun every minute.
A finished manuscript, a publishing contract -- those go a long way to make me forget the tasks I performed to get there.
What about you? What do you like or hate about writing?
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Talking About Evil Doers
With the New Year has come a rash of computer virus and malicious code that ups the ante on all the havoc such things wreck. So, if you haven't done so by now, make sure you have anti-virus software installed on your system and please make sure you backup all your data. It's not impossible to live without computers these days but it's pretty close to that, especially since more and more of our personal data is being processed, monitored and evaluated by computers.
Backup drives to the tune of 500GB and more than a Terrabyte are more affordable than ever so if you've dragged your feet on getting a backup drive for your data now is the time to act.
I know - economic times are tough but one has to ask oneself how costly it would be to lose data such as family photos, email correspondence both personal and business related, address books, and so much more. For writers it could mean losing hours and hours of work, even years of work. If you don't want to go the external backup drive route there's also an option to store your data online with a reputable vendor. I have friends who swear by this method.
To find out more about all things computer go to www.webopedia.com and check out some of your options. Also, visiting www.zdnet.com will provide you with comparisons of services and hardware and help you narrow the choices down to ones that suit you and your living/working environment the best.
So, a must have 2009 resolution (or two) is to protect your data by doing a better job of backing up that data and protecting it from viruses.
Happy 2009!
Backup drives to the tune of 500GB and more than a Terrabyte are more affordable than ever so if you've dragged your feet on getting a backup drive for your data now is the time to act.
I know - economic times are tough but one has to ask oneself how costly it would be to lose data such as family photos, email correspondence both personal and business related, address books, and so much more. For writers it could mean losing hours and hours of work, even years of work. If you don't want to go the external backup drive route there's also an option to store your data online with a reputable vendor. I have friends who swear by this method.
To find out more about all things computer go to www.webopedia.com and check out some of your options. Also, visiting www.zdnet.com will provide you with comparisons of services and hardware and help you narrow the choices down to ones that suit you and your living/working environment the best.
So, a must have 2009 resolution (or two) is to protect your data by doing a better job of backing up that data and protecting it from viruses.
Happy 2009!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Telemarketers and other evildoers
Do you know what time it is?
Do you?!
Yep, it's that time...
Time for a rant blog!!!
Yay!!
(clap, clap, clap)
If you read my first book, you don't have to ask how I feel about telemarketers. So how do you think I took it when I received a recent email telling me that my cell phone number might be released to a new database for telemarketers?
!!!
And that unless I registered the number to be stricken from the list I could expect telemarketers to call me ... on my cell ... at my expense ... to try and wheedle my hard earned money out of me.
!!! (again)
A little history. In January 2003, the FTC (short for Full Time Competency, or Free The Chickens) ruled that….(hey, no snoozing ... pay attention!)… people who wanted to eat dinner in their own houses could henceforth (important legal term) sign up for a national Do Not Call list.
Do you get what that would mean?! No phone calls during dinner! Nobody calling while you’re slorking down spaghetti and meatballs, using your own phone to convince you to transfer your money to their wallets.
And think what this would mean to your dog! Intensified begging, without the distraction of telephone interruptions. No worries about getting his tail tromped on as your teenager breaks Olympic hurdle records on her way to a ringing phone. Canine peace of mind.
I just about sprained a finger signing up.
But then doom almost struck.
A judge (defined as someone whose job it is to make sure murderers get off on mere technicalities, real minor stuff. I mean, seriously, what’s so bad about a little illegal search and seizure? Ask George W. Bush)… Anyway, this judge said that the Federal government did not have the authority to do this.
What?! The Federal government doesn’t have the right to protect us?
Yes, protect us. Because that’s what a telemarketer call is, isn’t it? An assault.
Think about it. When a telemarketer calls, isn’t it an attack on your peace, and, dare I say it, your actual health? Doesn’t your blood go into systolic gyrations? Don’t you grind your teeth to nubs? Don’t you feel like reaching through the phone and strangling the telemarketer with his own tongue?
Not only that, but they would invite themselves into your house, unwanted and unannounced, pushing you with ferocity not seen since your teenaged daughter begged you for a belly button piercing. (Yeah, I’m a normal Dad. I counted to ten and said “NO!” before hitting two.)
So the FTC stepped in, and said, “No way. A guy should be able to sit at his own dinner table, surrounded by his begging children and adoring dog, er, um.. I mean adoring children and begging dog, and consume chicken pot pie without some schmuck barging in with telephonic interruption, trying to get you to switch to MCI.”
I was so happy I cheered. And it wasn’t even a sporting event!
So, like millions, I happily signed up, and waited anxiously for some telemarketer to screw up and call me, so that I could sue him; and then here come the judge, here come the judge, watch out baby, here come the judge.
It seems like this ruling interfered with telemarketers’ constitutional right to make money. An intrusion on Free Enterprise.
Oh, boo, hoo, hoo!
Is arresting a dope dealer interfering with his right to make money in a free enterprise system?
Or is it restraint of trade when you apprehend a burglar?
Telemarketers don’t have the right to invade your privacy!!!!
But we won that won and I thought we were done. Then I received the email about my cell phone.
So I got on the FTC's website www.ftc.gov/donotcall and it almost makes me feel better. There's a disclaimer that says telemarketers cannot use automatic dialers to call cell phones. Okay, so does that stop them from using their little piggies to dial?
I added my cell number to the Registry.
But then something else happened.
The election.
The recent election spawned a new insidious evil ... no, not George ... he's going to be gone in a couple weeks. But the new evil is the robocall, an automated telemarketing phone call from politicians that ... get this ... ARE EXEMPT FROM THE NATIONAL CALL REGISTRY.
AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
Why should some political hack have the right to call me, leave a loud, obnoxious call on my machine (cuz I ain't picking up)?
The people who have rights???!!!! Us!!!!!!!!!! Leave us alone!!!!! Let us eat!!!!!
I gotta go, my ! key is getting kinda hot.
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy
The Next Adventures of Guy
The Heat of the Moment
Missing (coming next month)
Fang Face (YA humor/vampire, coming in August)
Do you?!
Yep, it's that time...
Time for a rant blog!!!
Yay!!
(clap, clap, clap)
If you read my first book, you don't have to ask how I feel about telemarketers. So how do you think I took it when I received a recent email telling me that my cell phone number might be released to a new database for telemarketers?
!!!
And that unless I registered the number to be stricken from the list I could expect telemarketers to call me ... on my cell ... at my expense ... to try and wheedle my hard earned money out of me.
!!! (again)
A little history. In January 2003, the FTC (short for Full Time Competency, or Free The Chickens) ruled that….(hey, no snoozing ... pay attention!)… people who wanted to eat dinner in their own houses could henceforth (important legal term) sign up for a national Do Not Call list.
Do you get what that would mean?! No phone calls during dinner! Nobody calling while you’re slorking down spaghetti and meatballs, using your own phone to convince you to transfer your money to their wallets.
And think what this would mean to your dog! Intensified begging, without the distraction of telephone interruptions. No worries about getting his tail tromped on as your teenager breaks Olympic hurdle records on her way to a ringing phone. Canine peace of mind.
I just about sprained a finger signing up.
But then doom almost struck.
A judge (defined as someone whose job it is to make sure murderers get off on mere technicalities, real minor stuff. I mean, seriously, what’s so bad about a little illegal search and seizure? Ask George W. Bush)… Anyway, this judge said that the Federal government did not have the authority to do this.
What?! The Federal government doesn’t have the right to protect us?
Yes, protect us. Because that’s what a telemarketer call is, isn’t it? An assault.
Think about it. When a telemarketer calls, isn’t it an attack on your peace, and, dare I say it, your actual health? Doesn’t your blood go into systolic gyrations? Don’t you grind your teeth to nubs? Don’t you feel like reaching through the phone and strangling the telemarketer with his own tongue?
Not only that, but they would invite themselves into your house, unwanted and unannounced, pushing you with ferocity not seen since your teenaged daughter begged you for a belly button piercing. (Yeah, I’m a normal Dad. I counted to ten and said “NO!” before hitting two.)
So the FTC stepped in, and said, “No way. A guy should be able to sit at his own dinner table, surrounded by his begging children and adoring dog, er, um.. I mean adoring children and begging dog, and consume chicken pot pie without some schmuck barging in with telephonic interruption, trying to get you to switch to MCI.”
I was so happy I cheered. And it wasn’t even a sporting event!
So, like millions, I happily signed up, and waited anxiously for some telemarketer to screw up and call me, so that I could sue him; and then here come the judge, here come the judge, watch out baby, here come the judge.
It seems like this ruling interfered with telemarketers’ constitutional right to make money. An intrusion on Free Enterprise.
Oh, boo, hoo, hoo!
Is arresting a dope dealer interfering with his right to make money in a free enterprise system?
Or is it restraint of trade when you apprehend a burglar?
Telemarketers don’t have the right to invade your privacy!!!!
But we won that won and I thought we were done. Then I received the email about my cell phone.
So I got on the FTC's website www.ftc.gov/donotcall and it almost makes me feel better. There's a disclaimer that says telemarketers cannot use automatic dialers to call cell phones. Okay, so does that stop them from using their little piggies to dial?
I added my cell number to the Registry.
But then something else happened.
The election.
The recent election spawned a new insidious evil ... no, not George ... he's going to be gone in a couple weeks. But the new evil is the robocall, an automated telemarketing phone call from politicians that ... get this ... ARE EXEMPT FROM THE NATIONAL CALL REGISTRY.
AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
Why should some political hack have the right to call me, leave a loud, obnoxious call on my machine (cuz I ain't picking up)?
The people who have rights???!!!! Us!!!!!!!!!! Leave us alone!!!!! Let us eat!!!!!
I gotta go, my ! key is getting kinda hot.
Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy
The Next Adventures of Guy
The Heat of the Moment
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Fang Face (YA humor/vampire, coming in August)
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