I had set many goals for myself over the past decade or so, both personal and professional, but when my life took an abrupt turn a few years back, I thought at first it had me down for the count. As I pulled myself up from the mud where I was thrown, bruised and confused, I was scared. Really, really scared. Then as the next years went by, and mostly as this last one unfolded, I saw so many more opportunities in my life than I have ever seen before. This presented a different kind of confusion, but almost of a fun nature, in trying to sort out which direction to go first. I was like a kid on Christmas morning, looking for the shiniest wrapping paper and hoping the present was mine.
Well, sometimes you find that shiny wrapping paper and read the tag and see that it is meant for someone else. That’s okay. Part of my healing these past few years has been to wish the best for everyone in my life, past and present, even my “enemies” or those who’ve - at the risk of turning this into a country western lyric - done me wrong. I reserve the right to exclude those people from my life, but I can wish them well at a safe and very great distance. It’s such an emotional burden to carry around hate and anger, and now that some people are no longer in my life I realize just how much hate and anger was part of them, and how much time I have wasted walking beside them and helping them carry their load. Part of my journey these past few years has been to stop carrying anything for anyone else but myself. I breath much better now - both physically and emotionally.
So, I started filling up my life with events and causes that meant something to me and became extremely busy but happy in the frenzied energy of my life. Then, BOOM - and there always seems to be a BOOM - a number of things happened almost at once. From my elderly dog passing away to my elderly friend going towards the end of her life with much difficulty, I haven’t quite had the peaceful year of growth that I had hoped for. Still, I’ve learned quite a bit about life in general, and pet and elderly health care in particular. My writing this year has suffered greatly as I’m simply exhausted at the end of the day. However, I have a wealth of knowledge now to write about many of the things I’ve experienced.
Now to find that peace and quite to do so. I’m getting close, and as I get closer and closer I realize that life really is a journey full of great things, bad things and everything in between. Partly out of frustration and partly out of a need to be free I just want to take my shoes and socks off and run through the rain water. BTW - it’s raining in the Chicago area today - has been for the past two days, on and off, but mostly on.
Oh, and that shiny wrapping paper? Sometimes you also find out that the shiny paper is the best part of the gift. We always say, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Well, we can add, “Don’t judge a gift by it’s wrapping paper,” or even the person who gave it to you.