Me, myself and AAIIIIEEEEEE!!!

I have to admit to having a pet peeve.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. First of all, it’s not a pet… unless maybe you’re talking about a pet rattlesnake or weasel, or something you find under a rock somewhere.

The other inaccuracy is that I have more than one peeve … some pet… some not-so pet.

But today’s peeve is a Monday favorite of myself, because it drives myself crazy. The peeve? The word ‘myself’.

There are almost no situations where this word absolutely has to be uttered, written, used or whatever. The only time it probably really can’t be avoided is when a kid says it.

A kid, you say?

No, a kid I ‘write.’

Anyway, this way-overused word is best used in a sentence like this, “I did it, myself.”

This works.

Even then, it could be avoided! How about the simple sentence, “I did it.”? It says the same thing without the redundancy.

Or if a kid wants to exult in an accomplishment, sure, let him say, “I did it all by myself.”

That’s great … no problem.

Or if you’re just ticked off about something, this is okay, “Fine. I’ll do it, myself!”

But be careful. Say this to your wife and you might end up sleeping on the sofa. And it would work just as well if you said, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

So think about the following bad boys:

Myself and the kids are coming over for dinner.
I’m inviting yourself and the family over for dinner.
The kids and myself are cooking warthogs for dinner.

And it gets worse when you bring the word ‘me’ into the equation.

Me and the kids are coming over for dinner.
The kids and me are cooking flaming salamander for dinner.

And don’t get me started on ‘I.”

It drives myself crazy … er, … it drives I crazy … um… wait, I got it …

Aarrgghhhh!!!!!

Norm
www.normcowie.com
The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy (probably)
and coming soon The Next Adventures of Guy ... more wackiness

The Land of False Starts -- by Larry D. Sweazy

I have been trying to start a new novel for about 3 months, and my fingers have been mired in the Land of False Starts. Some context. Last year I finished writing an amateur sleuth novel, and my agent starting submitting it in October. All the while, I have another novel out, a police procedural. Both are series ideas with a proposal for multiple books accompanying the novel submissions. I’ve had some “nice” rejections on both, but having two series proposals out on the market left me in a quandary. What do I write next while I wait to see what happens with the two series?

To start with, I wrote some more short stories and cleaned up a few I had tucked away in the archives—and got them out on the market. I didn’t want to continue to write short stories indefinitely, so I would start chapter 1 of a novel. I started seven or eight. Lack of ideas wasn’t the problem. But nothing clicked. For some reason chapter 2 didn’t seem to follow like normal…I just couldn't get excited about what I was writing.

My problem was fear. I was afraid I would start a novel, be halfway through it, and one of the novels that was out on the market would sell, and I wouldn’t be able to finish the one I had just started. I was afraid both novels would sell and I’d have to write four or five more books that I had proposed. I was afraid of success, and it left me spinning in the mud. I was editing myself, throwing up walls for myself. I was writing. But I wasn’t writing anything that I could ultimately put on the market to try and sell.

So what changed? How did I get past the false starts? By being honest with myself.

Maybe neither novel that was out on the market would ever sell. A hard pill to swallow, but possible.

Instead of worrying about the 2 novels selling, I had to forget they existed and start fresh. I had to start the new novel, and put everything I’ve learned from writing the others into the new one.

Were the false starts a waste of time? No. I was practicing. I was organizing my thoughts. I was in the physical position of writing. I hadn’t lost the most important part of writing, I kept showing up. But I was putting a cap on my creativity by worrying about things I could not control.

Publishers take forever. At least it seems like forever to us writers. I’m sure if we saw the stacks of manuscripts on their desks, we’d wonder how they got anything done at all. So I’m not blaming the editors, or the system. I’m blaming me for being afraid to commit to a project.

The moral to the story? Keep writing. Write your way out the problem. Keep showing up. Quit worrying about the things you can’t control…

I’m happy to report that I’m writing chapter 5 of the new novel…and I can’t wait to get to the end of the novel. I’ll finish it regardless of what happens. That’s what writers do. We write. Regardless of whether somebody buys our last project or not.

Bath, England by Margot Justes

Summer is almost upon us, and if you find yourself lucky enough to go to London this year, do take a detour to Bath. It is but a two hour train ride from Paddington Station, you can sit on a train and watch the English countryside glide by.

Bath has been designated a World Heritage Site, and rightfully so. It's history goes back to 65 A.D. It is the place of the Roman Baths, incredible Georgian Architecture, the best examples are the Circus and the Royal Crescent and must be seen to be believed.

The Pump Room, where Jane Austen had high tea served (and so can you), is still in business and still serving tea. It is the Bath lifestyle Charles Dickens satirized in his Pickwick Papers. If you read any Regency books, Bath will invariably be mentioned.

But more than that, a visit allows you a brief glimpse of ancient history. The Abby had its beginning in 973. There is a restaurant that has been in business since 1680, and to this day still serves the Sally Lunn buns.

There aren't too many places in the world with that kind of sustenance. You can walk on Gay Street and be sure that Jane Austen walked that same street. There are art galleries, one museum after another, just walking down the street there is an incomparable feeling of joy and essence of its past.

That is an awesome sense of history, anywhere you turn you are surrounded by it.

Till next Saturday,

Margot Justes
www.mjustes.com
A Hotel in Paris
Echelon Press

THE APOSTROPHE'S BUBBLY NATURE by Robert W. Walker

The lowly apostrophe loves to shine but seldom takes center stage, while damn it, it’s the hardest working, least understood mark, and yet it retains its bubbly nature. How does the apostrophe keep its positive outlook and energetic, even electric personality? Let’s us just consider how put upon it is and yet it just keeps on giving….The most maligned, misused, misunderstood grammatical mark of them all and also the smallest yet self-made and courageous.

“Why do perfectly intelligent people, even geniuses, have a problem seeing the apostrophe much less using it properly?” --St. Ignatius of Tyrn 1402…

“Some of my best friends act as if they’re going under the knife when confronted with the use of the apostrophe….” --Dr. Lucius Derleth, MD 2004…

“Little’s changed since the MONKs figured out SYMBOLS for us all to ABIDE by in order to communicate in writing….” Author Robert W. Walker, 2007…

First reason the apostrophe causes confusion: it’s (that is IT IS) used for two separate and distinct purposes that’ve absolutely NADA to do with one ’nother. The simplest use is to show ownership in THINGS. Things he, she, we, they, us, him, her, them and Joe OWNS.

Ownership as in HIS THINGS or Joe’s things….ought to end all confusion there since if you SEE the connective tissue of ownership, like as if the apostrophe in ownership situations is a little arrow that points to what Joe owns. Joe’s Harley…Joe’s eyes…Joe’s girl…or Joe’s future. Who owns that future? Whose hole is it anyway? Joe’s hole. He dug it. But it gets a bit complicated when it is not Joe or John or any name ending in a letter other than S….Damn, now what?

How do we deal with Phyllis’s stuff or James’ junk? Marcus, Jesus? Jesus and these others end in S but that does not make a noun or a name plural! ….if a name ends in S…then we’re looking at JESU’s if we put the apostrophe in the wrong place….pointing at the wrong letter….as in Phylli’s, Jame’s. Notice that if you don’t put the apostrophe pointing to the S, then you are cutting away at Jesus’ name! Another complication, it can be shown either way: Jesus’ or Jesus’s. In most modern usage we have dropped the double S for the sake of simplicity but my publisher WANTS it there thanks to the Chicago Manual of Style. All the same, there are not many names ending in S, so this should not be so hard for folks to follow.

The notion of single and plural plays havoc with people’s heads, however. People—or any GROUP designation like FAMILY already has PLURALness inherent, so adding the S can only mean ownership, not MORE plural. A green light doesn’t get any greener, nor does a plural word like jury get any pluralER…see? So it is the Jury’s decision and once again the apostrophe hugs the WHOLE word (like the whole name) and not an add on form….like Jurys’….which only works if you are talking about two or more juries…(unlikely).

But what of nouns that’re not names like teacher, lawyer, and aviator? Suppose you are talking about one lawyer’s briefcase? Then notice one lawyer ends with R….not S….while two lawyers’ briefcases shows the S on lawyer(S) see? So then it becomes: All of my teachers’ habits annoy me; or every one of my teachers’ habits annoy me. A single on TEACHER in that sentence CHANGES the meaning significantly. Again the issue of single\plural has a lot to do with where the apostrophe wants to fall…

Now the ownership thing ought be easy, folks! Ther’re only a handful of words in the whole freakin’ language that have OWNERSHIP built in already, like MY, MINE…His…Her…so these do not need the HELP of the lowly apostrophe. But Mike or Rob does if you’re’a speakin’a what Mike or Rob owns…so this is a major ‘juice’(use!) of the apostrophe. Another is to show emphasis as I did in de’ bad ‘joke’ around ‘juice’ buy nowadays this kind of emphasis calls for quotation marks or italics.

The second major ‘juice’ or ‘use’ of the ‘comma that leaps up atop words’ really screws with people’s heads, but I do not (don’t) know why it should. For instance, there’s an ITS that sits on the same plane as MY and his and hers, yours, mine, ours, theirs…for ownership built in is in ITS like MY. The only other IT’s in existence is a CONTRACTION….

Contractions ought be a simple affair. If you write this: ITS color is as strong as IT’s powerful….then you are using both ITS/IT’s in the same sentence. A good practice. Write TEN sentences using ITS and IT’s in same breath. “IT’s a smart dog that scratches ITS own fleas.”

Its\It’s is so instructive if you realize or see the pattern here. This is in a nutshell the two PRIMARY uses of the apostrophe. ITS, like HIS requires NO apostrophe ‘cause why? Because it has ownership built into IT same as Her. Whereas IT’s is two whole words shoved together, something American English loves to do, especially in dialogue. We all of us only learn if and when we see the connectiveness and the pattern of things—like words and apostrophes are like the pilot-fish following the shark. If you look REAL close, you’ll see that the apostrophe points toward what it modifies or changes. Tom is Tom but to modify Tom into changing from the subject of the sentence to what he owns as being the subject, Tom’s becomes necessary, so the subject becomes Tom’s lunatic brother… or Tom’s broken arm…

OK, hopefully ownership’s ugly head has been cut off thanks to this old grammarian’s ability to make it clear. As Stephen King’s illegitimate son, I think I can quote Dad faithfully by saying, “If you can’t make it sing, at least make it clear.” Apostrophes are your friend…a friend of the writer. Notice if I use an apostrophe, I can say A writer’s friend instead. How droll is it to read: The backdoor was squeaky and needed oil now. Much better to say, “The backdoor’s scream signaled years of neglect.”

Now onto the CONTRACTION in more detail. Read any one of my books and you’ll find people speak in contractions ‘cause we’re Americans. So if the apostrophe is not ON STAGE to show ownership, then it’s doing its second, UNRELATED job of POINTING out where in a word we’ve TOSSED out letters! The lowly lil’ apostrophe FILLS the GAPs, and sometimes these gaps are enormous. Don’t you see that the O is missing in DO NOT in Don’t so the apostrophe takes ITS place (not it’s--it is place)? OK, DON’t is too easy. ‘Cause ‘fraid we also speak in multiple contractions as in:

Mike would have loved to see Madeline’s upper body movement, but when he had attempted it, she clocked him so hard he had fallen into a coma.

Mike would’ve loved to see….etc. but when he’d etc…he’d fallen…etc.

I have used triples such as Mayn’t’ve, couldn’t’ve, wouldn’t’ve. NOTICE exactly the number of letters missing from these contractions: May not have…could not have, etc. So often the apostrophe is carrying the space of several missing letters, often four, five missing letters! Damn but this mark is strong….

So no longer do ya’ gotta’ wonder why a proper Britisher hates us for what we’ve done to the language. Much of it’s contractions as in “Wha’up?” from: What is up? So the apostrophe is a real workhorse! You can’t ignore it, can’t run from it, can’t hide. It’s ever’where its use is found and sometimes, too often, it’s used incorrectly. So WATCHA’ back and watch the signs as in Buck’s Gunshop.

All that said, in your novel use contractions liberally but never use an ownership apostrophe in a place where it does not ADD anything as in: The ocean’s floor….just ocean floor…or the Clock’s tower….if the Clock Tower works just as well…actually better. Ownership apostrophes help cut out long prepositional phrases as in this example:

After Paul stepped through the house’s front door, he heard the door’s hinges creak behind him as it closed.

Rather better to say: After stepping through the door, Paul heard it squeak closed

behind him.

G’luck with grammar’s lowliest mark!

Rob Walker (www.robertWwalkerbooks.com

www.myspace.com/robertwwalkerbooks

www.Murdermustadvertise.com

www.Loveismurder.org

Weeding my garden, er, manuscript!

The other day I was pulling rotten bulbs from my flower bed, disheartened that so many had been destroyed due to our erratic midwest winter. We had 70 degree weather in January and a snowstorm in April, thus the reason for having to remove bulbs that didn't make the transition.

As I dug and pulled, and rearranged the existing bulbs, I also extracted several scragly weeds. The process felt very familiar. Yes, I've weeded my garden many times, rearranged the plants to make the foilage more aesthetic, but the real similarity came to mind about weeding my manuscript of deadwood, cliches, and over-used words. The average person might not notice a weed or two, but that doesn't mean they don't need pulling.

So I wondered what tools do we need to weed our manuscripts? When I tackle a job in my garden I have a whole shed of tools at my disposal. I don my work-worn gloves, grab a trowel or spade, have my flower feed close by and the water hose ready for a good dousing when I'm finished.

If only it were that easy when it came to weeding our manuscripts. Actually it's easier than you think. The best way to weed, for me anyway, is to let things set awhile. Pretend if you will, that your manuscript is like the plants growing. When you look again, the weeds nearly jump off the page. They look out of place, just like the withering bulbs or the dandelion flouncing its brilliant yellow bloom. Your delete button is the best tool for this problem. Simple, easy and nearly painless.

Then, and this is a big then; then there are the words that aren't right, but when you try to pull them, the entire sentence structure comes up too. Don't panic. The best gardener will tell you that sometimes the ground around a bad bulb or weed has to come up too. It's the same with writing. Many a writer has had to bury a wonderful sentence that just wasn't right where it was planted. The best defense is breathing. Yes, take a deep breath and pull. It may leave a hole and that's okay. Actually that's wonderful because now something new can be planted. Something fresh and invigorating. It's called new life! And every manuscript needs several doses of this through it's growing stages.

So, you say, what about the over-use of your favorite words. My first drafts are always peppered with similar words because I write in sprints. I get as much down as I can, going with the plot or scene and not worrying about finding that perfect descriptive word. That will come later. When I come back to fix them, the tool I use first is my imagination, then the thesaurus. I let my thoughts drift, not rushing the re-write. Hurrying through this process is worse than not fixing it all. Time is another tool; if you use it effectively, you'll actually gain time by not having to go back over it again and again. I tend to use colored pens when I edit or re-write. First I use a red pen, adding or deleting, rearranging and then let that set for awhile - days usually. Then I go over the same passages with a green pen. For some reason this system works for me. It's like working a garden, the big plants in the back, the flourishing foliage intermixed in the middle, and the border plants filling in those nuisance type holes. Once all that is inserted it makes for a well-diversified garden, er manuscript!

Just like a good watering, I run all my re-writes through the computer and then look at the fresh new pages. I marvel at how the additions have rounded out my work. The deletions aren't missed, and I learn all over again the vaulable lesson that less is more.

I have several flower gardens around my yard. I never try to work on more than one a day or I tire too quickly and do a bad job. I use that work ethic with my rewriting as well. I don't try to do too much at one time, usually only a chapter or two. So the process is on-going, evolving, growing and developing. At some point, I promise, the work comes to a halt. And if you have maintained a steady, but thorough doggedness, you will have a flourishing manuscript, er garden when you're done.

til next time ~

Deb (DL Larson)

AN OLD-FASHIONED REMEDY By Morgan Mandel

Did you ever wake up from a pleasant dream or a vivid nightmare, fall asleep, and not remember any of it in the morning?

Did you ever walk down the street, be struck with a brilliant plot and then forget it?

Did you ever go on vacation, hear tidbits about the area, but not remember any of it when you got home?

Did you ever see someone unique – with a different way of walking, talking or looking and then forget about that person?

Did you ever see something beautiful? Smell something delicious? Hear something different? Did these experiences escape you?

If you'd only remembered them, you could have used them in your book.

The solution is simple. Instead of trying to remember a lot of things, you need only remember two things: pen and paper. Keep them handy – by the bedside, in the pants or jacket pocket, in the purse, anywhere you can get to them right away.

Record your impressions as quickly as possible, either while they're happening or immediately afterwards. Then, when you need them, you'll have them.

Sure, it's old fashioned, but it works!

I have been to the mountaintop (s)

Or thereabouts.

Several years ago I stood as groundling in the Globe theater in London and watched The Bard's Richard III. On a recent business trip to London I dropped by the "residence" of a fairly well-known detective. It's something of a pilgrimage for mystery writers. You can see the pictures by clicking the "Side Trips" link off of the home page of storytellerroad, or go here.

Bikers (of which I am one) should do the same--visit their history. I ate fish and chips at a place any biker worth his or her leathers would know--all the rockers hang out here.

Neither of these trips was an exercise in ego--they were both quite humbling--but they did offer some insight.

We do what we do because we are who we are. With that in mind, there are places writers should go, if for no other reason than to help place themselves in the great writing "scheme of things." I'm not talking conferences, but rather places that are important in one's own understanding of the history of writing. Such trips offer a chance to get connected to something larger than the next deadline, something that money can't buy--a bit greater understanding of what we do and who--in very much the collective sense--we are.

Todd